I am sitting in class right now between assignments, so I may not have too long to type. I have unbelievable news, though, and since I can’t get it out of my mind, I might as well put it down here. Last night, the impossible happened, and I’m not sure where to go next.

I was on my way to bed and had just finished brushing my teeth. As I sat down on the bed, he stopped me midway through, catching me off guard, and said that he wants to go on a diet. I kinda sat there for a second before saying anything, not really sure what I should respond with. I asked him what he had in mind, and he replied that he wants to “diet.” Now, as much as I hate the idea of “dieting” and reminded him of this, still, it is progress. This is the first time in our relationship that he has made any reference at all to changing his eating habits in any way, so even that change has to be recognized.

I asked him what he wanted to do, and basically, I think he has it in his head that he can eat a little bit less and that’ll solve the problem. It won’t, and I know that- when you’re living off of pizza, burgers, and tater tots, just cutting back isn’t going to solve the root of the problem. I asked if he was willing to eat any veggies, and he quickly, without any hesitation at all said “no.” He didn’t pause to think about it. He didn’t give a few that he would be willing to incorporate. He didn’t even agree to try one. It was a categorical no… a blanket statement that really bothers me. How can you say you don’t like something that you haven’t eaten in years? Why would you refuse to try something just based on the fact that it came out of the ground and just might be good for you?

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I’m home now, so I have a bit more time to finish this up. He looked at me and said that he doesn’t want to make a lifestyle change. That’s very frustrating for me, because I have been trying to do exactly that, and after years of the yo-yo, I just want to find some balance. I don’t know whether to step away and give him the space to come to that point on his own, or to be that little extra boost that he might need to take the first steps down the road.

On a brighter note, I can honestly say that this week has gone much smoother than I would have ever anticipated. I have been helped along by reading some really motivating blogs and articles, and they’ve been just what I needed to keep myself on the right track. I have eaten very healthy foods all week, and have not missed my junk foods in the slightest bit. I want to believe this time is different… that this time will stick… but the truth is that I have started and failed so many times it’s embarrassing and I just don’t want to jinx myself or sound like a total goober by saying one thing, and then turning around and doing the other again. Still, so far, so good.

I got to work at about 7:30 this morning and didnt’t leave until about 6:30 tonight. I love my job- I really truly love my job… but it’s a good thing I love it so much. Otherwise, it would have absolutely burnt me out by now. The school where I work uses a literacy program that operates without a textbook for reading, spelling, or writing, and we also do not use one for math. There are textbooks available for Science and Social Studies, but they’re outdated, and that’s the least of the problems with them. So, of course, there is a lot of prep work involved for our teachers. In a sense, it’s wonderful because I have so much freedom to decide what my students need, and adjust my instruction to that. A perfect example of this happened today- yesterday, during our writing block, I noticed several of my students did not have a strong sense of beginning, middle, and ending to their stories. I planned a lesson for today that refocused them on that concept. I remember during some of my internships (prior to student teaching) feeling tied to a textbook, and stifled by it. So the freedom is wonderful.

At the same time, it’s incredibly frustrating sometimes to just be ready to leave, but know that I haven’t finished making centers for my math lessons or haven’t finished choosing books for my guided reading groups. It’s a lot of work that sometimes I would love to be free from. I’m not going anywhere- I love my job. I am incredibly happy there, and we have, hands down, the best administrators anywhere, but still, sometimes I guess you just need to vent a bit.

At any rate, on to what I ate today:

Breakfast was another smoothie, along with a veggie sausage patty on the side. I did take a picture this morning, but I couldn’t find my camera, so I used the one in my phone. Right now, my phone is dead (it’s on the charger right now) so I’ll share those when the phone is working again. Basically, it’s another green smoothie… very similar to yesterday, but with a couple of minor adjustments.

  • 1 leaf of kale
  • 1/2 a banana
  • 1 spoonful of peanut butter
  • light yogurt
  • 2 ice cubes

I also mixed it longer in the blender, which made it a bit creamier than yesterday.

Lunch (again, pictures coming soon) was a peanut butter and banana 1/2 sandwich on wheatberry bread. I ate the other 1/2 of the banana by itself.

My after school snack was an apple.

Driving home, I had a Larabar. This time, I tried the peanut butter cookie bar. It’s one of the few I haven’t had before. It was ok, but not one of my favorites.

Dinner was a canned soup. That’s right… I got all gourmet tonight… haha. I had a can of Amy’s organic lentil soup.

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Eh… what can you do? Like I said, it was a long day.

After reading some other blogs (Oh She Glows and Simply Fabulous) I decided to give these green smoothies a try. Having seen the pictures, I expected it to be very green, and it did not disappoint in that department. Below is a before picture. At any rate, my recipe is below.

smoothie-before

  • one banana
  • one apple
  • 2 kale leaves
  • 1 cup vanilla yogurt
  • and a little bit of ice

Once “The Hulk” was staring me in the face, I had to gather my courage to take the first sip. I half expected Slimer to come floating by in the next few seconds, but finally I turned the cup up and took a drink.

It was shockingly drinkable. I will probably make a few changes to it (maybe a little bit less ice, less apple… possibly strawberry or orange instead) but it made a surprisingly tasty and very filling breakfast. I had it on my way to school at 7:00, and by 11:45 (when my class goes to lunch) I was just beginning to get hungry.

Lunch was exactly as posted yesterday, but in a different order…

  • 11:45 – peanut butter and banana sandwich, rest of the banana, and baked chips
  • 2:30 – apples and a little bit of peanut butter (2 tbsps?)
  • 4:30 – larabar

I’m thinking lentil soup and salad for dinner tonight.

Also, I will post pictures as I pack tomorrow’s lunch.

Eating has been difficult the past few days. I had a wisdom tooth removed on Friday, and even though everything seems to be healing up nicely, I haven’t been brave enough to risk eating many of my normal foods. There have been a lot of pastas and ice cream the past few days, and as much as I hate that, I didn’t have toooooo much choice. Tonight I made a first attempt at some slightly more normal foods, and since that seems to have gone fairly well, I’m going to pack a normal-ish lunch. I’m so excited to return to normal foods that I can’t wait to post exactly what I plan to have… I’m such a dork!

Tomorrow’s lunch:

  • peanut butter sandwich on light wheat bread
  • 1 banana (1/2 of it will most likely end up on the sandwich)
  • 1 apple
  • baked potato chips
  • a larabar (pecan pie, I believe… not my favorite, but it’s what I have left in the cabinet)

Tomorrow’s food will be spaced out as such (times are obviously estimated, but for the sake of getting it down):

  • 6:30 – smoothie
  • 11:45 – sandwich and banana, apple
  • 2:30 – potato chips (this is going to be risky, but I’m going to give it a shot… it should be ok if I keep it on the other side of my mouth, right?)
  • 5:00 – larabar
  • 7:00 – dinner… most likely soup and a salad, since I’ve been really craving some lentil soup, but was afraid that the lentils would get stuck in the hole in my mouth

I may allow myself some sort of dessert-y type of food, but most likely not, since I’m absolutely sick of sweets the past few days!

It’s good to be back to semi-normal food. Still, I won’t deny that I’m craving a veggie burger, but am still quite positive that my mouth can’t handle that yet.

First posts are always the hardest, I think. I guess the best way to start out is by giving a little bit of background.

I am a 28 year old newlywed teacher who has stuggled for years with my weight and my disordered eating habits. I have been at both ends of the spectrum. I have starved to lose weight, and I have binged to gain more weight than I care to admit to. A while ago, I decided that I want to have a healthy balance for the first time in my life, but I have struggled to achieve that balance. Recently I have been reading a lot of health and fitness articles and blogs and trying to find a happy medium. I know that I’m not going to have an overnight transformation to a picture of health. This has been the hardest lesson in all of this for me. I wanted to go from junk to being the model of healthy eating and exercise, and I wasn’t allowing myself an adjustment period, and set myself up for failure every time.

So this time around, I’ve been making a slower transformation. Instead of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I buy Kashi Heart to Heart. Instead of snack cakes, I buy apples and bananas and the occasional Larabar or Kashi TLC bar. I’ve been finding myself with fewer cravings for the junk as I have slowly replaced it in my diet.

So I want to say up front that this is not going to be a “How-to” for healthy eating, and as much as I would love to post pictures of perfect meals, I’m still in a transition period and I’m making a journey to a healthier lifestyle. But I am convinced that it’s a journey worth making.