Today has been an incredibly busy and frustrating day. Our state mandated testing is in just a few weeks, so we had a district-wide pretest the past couple of days… I’m severely disappointed. To look at those tests, you would think my students have learned nothing at all this year. I know that’s not the case, and I can see a lot of growth in them… I guess it’s just frustrating when you pour so much of your time, energy, and efforts into something, and feel like it isn’t showing. The next few weeks will include a lot of review, in the hopes that they’ve just forgotten the material, which there’s a really good chance of.

My weight has stayed consistent for the past few days, which I’m not exactly happy about, since I was really excited at how quickly it was dropping for a while there, but at the same time, I know that I’ve had a few slip-ups this week, including not getting enough sleep, which I know doesn’t help matters.

Today’s eats:

Breakfast:

  • a banana
  • 2 slices of meatless chicken
  • rice milk

Lunch:

  • healthy choice frozen meal
  • cashew cookie larabar

Snacks:

  • banana
  • apple
  • clif z bar

Dinner:

  • sauteed spinach
  • veggie patty
  • 2 tomato slices
  • corn (which I had to share with a hungry bird)
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I am sitting in class right now between assignments, so I may not have too long to type. I have unbelievable news, though, and since I can’t get it out of my mind, I might as well put it down here. Last night, the impossible happened, and I’m not sure where to go next.

I was on my way to bed and had just finished brushing my teeth. As I sat down on the bed, he stopped me midway through, catching me off guard, and said that he wants to go on a diet. I kinda sat there for a second before saying anything, not really sure what I should respond with. I asked him what he had in mind, and he replied that he wants to “diet.” Now, as much as I hate the idea of “dieting” and reminded him of this, still, it is progress. This is the first time in our relationship that he has made any reference at all to changing his eating habits in any way, so even that change has to be recognized.

I asked him what he wanted to do, and basically, I think he has it in his head that he can eat a little bit less and that’ll solve the problem. It won’t, and I know that- when you’re living off of pizza, burgers, and tater tots, just cutting back isn’t going to solve the root of the problem. I asked if he was willing to eat any veggies, and he quickly, without any hesitation at all said “no.” He didn’t pause to think about it. He didn’t give a few that he would be willing to incorporate. He didn’t even agree to try one. It was a categorical no… a blanket statement that really bothers me. How can you say you don’t like something that you haven’t eaten in years? Why would you refuse to try something just based on the fact that it came out of the ground and just might be good for you?

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I’m home now, so I have a bit more time to finish this up. He looked at me and said that he doesn’t want to make a lifestyle change. That’s very frustrating for me, because I have been trying to do exactly that, and after years of the yo-yo, I just want to find some balance. I don’t know whether to step away and give him the space to come to that point on his own, or to be that little extra boost that he might need to take the first steps down the road.

On a brighter note, I can honestly say that this week has gone much smoother than I would have ever anticipated. I have been helped along by reading some really motivating blogs and articles, and they’ve been just what I needed to keep myself on the right track. I have eaten very healthy foods all week, and have not missed my junk foods in the slightest bit. I want to believe this time is different… that this time will stick… but the truth is that I have started and failed so many times it’s embarrassing and I just don’t want to jinx myself or sound like a total goober by saying one thing, and then turning around and doing the other again. Still, so far, so good.

Sigh… today was another long day. I thought I would be leaving school right after school, but I didn’t realize that I had a training right afterwards today. Being the most tech savvy teacher on my grade level, I ended up signed up to train the rest of the grade level on a new computer system that our school system has bought. Frankly, I think they spent too much on it when you consider what it will do, but that’s my opinion, and I will admit that my knowledge of it is still limited. Regardless, I ended up at this training, and I have another training on the same system tomorrow after school.

Ok… the good news. Driving home, I had a thought hit me, and I feel like an idiot for not realizing this sooner. I have been trying to cram everything I have to do in after school, and beating myself up on the days that I fall short, but also beating up on myself if I don’t spend any time with Nate before he goes to bed. Why am I not getting an earlier start to my day?

I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, but Nate has to be at work so early in the morning most days that we’re both awake long before the sun is up, and I have a hard time getting back to sleep once he leaves the bed. Instead, why don’t I arrange my workout schedule around his work schedule?! Duh!

So starting tomorrow morning, if he works a morning shift, I will be getting up early to go to work out. If he works a night shift, I will drive to the gym on the way home. I feel like such an idiot for not starting that sooner.

Ok… on to the grub.

Breakfast: a smoothie

  • 1/2 banana
  • applesauce
  • 1 leaf of kale
  • 1 ice cube
  • 4 oz. activia light yogurt

Lunch: a sandwich and a banana

  • honey wheat bread
  • meatless chicken (worthington)
  • hummus
  • lettuce
  • 2 slices of tomato

Snacks:

  • an apple
  • chocolate brownie clif kid z bar

Dinner:

  • moo goo gai pan with tofu (in place of the chicken)
  • fried rice

I’m not at all happy about dinner. Nate had already ordered it without asking me. Not only is it not exactly ideal, but I was really craving some tacos. I even have a bag of morninstar crumbles ready and waiting in the freezer. Oh well… can’t change it now, but three guesses what dinner will be tomorrow!

I got to work at about 7:30 this morning and didnt’t leave until about 6:30 tonight. I love my job- I really truly love my job… but it’s a good thing I love it so much. Otherwise, it would have absolutely burnt me out by now. The school where I work uses a literacy program that operates without a textbook for reading, spelling, or writing, and we also do not use one for math. There are textbooks available for Science and Social Studies, but they’re outdated, and that’s the least of the problems with them. So, of course, there is a lot of prep work involved for our teachers. In a sense, it’s wonderful because I have so much freedom to decide what my students need, and adjust my instruction to that. A perfect example of this happened today- yesterday, during our writing block, I noticed several of my students did not have a strong sense of beginning, middle, and ending to their stories. I planned a lesson for today that refocused them on that concept. I remember during some of my internships (prior to student teaching) feeling tied to a textbook, and stifled by it. So the freedom is wonderful.

At the same time, it’s incredibly frustrating sometimes to just be ready to leave, but know that I haven’t finished making centers for my math lessons or haven’t finished choosing books for my guided reading groups. It’s a lot of work that sometimes I would love to be free from. I’m not going anywhere- I love my job. I am incredibly happy there, and we have, hands down, the best administrators anywhere, but still, sometimes I guess you just need to vent a bit.

At any rate, on to what I ate today:

Breakfast was another smoothie, along with a veggie sausage patty on the side. I did take a picture this morning, but I couldn’t find my camera, so I used the one in my phone. Right now, my phone is dead (it’s on the charger right now) so I’ll share those when the phone is working again. Basically, it’s another green smoothie… very similar to yesterday, but with a couple of minor adjustments.

  • 1 leaf of kale
  • 1/2 a banana
  • 1 spoonful of peanut butter
  • light yogurt
  • 2 ice cubes

I also mixed it longer in the blender, which made it a bit creamier than yesterday.

Lunch (again, pictures coming soon) was a peanut butter and banana 1/2 sandwich on wheatberry bread. I ate the other 1/2 of the banana by itself.

My after school snack was an apple.

Driving home, I had a Larabar. This time, I tried the peanut butter cookie bar. It’s one of the few I haven’t had before. It was ok, but not one of my favorites.

Dinner was a canned soup. That’s right… I got all gourmet tonight… haha. I had a can of Amy’s organic lentil soup.

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Eh… what can you do? Like I said, it was a long day.

Eating has been difficult the past few days. I had a wisdom tooth removed on Friday, and even though everything seems to be healing up nicely, I haven’t been brave enough to risk eating many of my normal foods. There have been a lot of pastas and ice cream the past few days, and as much as I hate that, I didn’t have toooooo much choice. Tonight I made a first attempt at some slightly more normal foods, and since that seems to have gone fairly well, I’m going to pack a normal-ish lunch. I’m so excited to return to normal foods that I can’t wait to post exactly what I plan to have… I’m such a dork!

Tomorrow’s lunch:

  • peanut butter sandwich on light wheat bread
  • 1 banana (1/2 of it will most likely end up on the sandwich)
  • 1 apple
  • baked potato chips
  • a larabar (pecan pie, I believe… not my favorite, but it’s what I have left in the cabinet)

Tomorrow’s food will be spaced out as such (times are obviously estimated, but for the sake of getting it down):

  • 6:30 – smoothie
  • 11:45 – sandwich and banana, apple
  • 2:30 – potato chips (this is going to be risky, but I’m going to give it a shot… it should be ok if I keep it on the other side of my mouth, right?)
  • 5:00 – larabar
  • 7:00 – dinner… most likely soup and a salad, since I’ve been really craving some lentil soup, but was afraid that the lentils would get stuck in the hole in my mouth

I may allow myself some sort of dessert-y type of food, but most likely not, since I’m absolutely sick of sweets the past few days!

It’s good to be back to semi-normal food. Still, I won’t deny that I’m craving a veggie burger, but am still quite positive that my mouth can’t handle that yet.