I’m feeling good from my hat to my shoe,
know where I am going and I know what to do,
I’ve tidied up my point of view,
I’ve got a new attitude.

Today was a bust. Totally and completely.


  • a banana
  • almond milk


  • lentil soup


  • banana bread larabar


  • a handful of chips with salsa
  • mushroom quesadilla
  • a slice of cake
  • a margarita (my first alcohol in months, which is a huge accomplishment if you know me.)

That’s right. I am the epitome of healthy eating. Sigh. Oh well… C’est la vie. No use crying over what’s already done.

I think that’s a huge shift for me, that I’m actually quite proud of. For years, I would have beaten myself up after a slip up, and had a “well, screw it” attitude for the rest of the day… All or none… I blew it, might as well give up. That is gone now. There’s no reason to let a slip up screw up the rest of a day/week/month. Now, I realize that the big slip-up was at the end of the day, but still, my attitude in the past would have been “well, might as well have whatever else I want tonight so that I can start brand new tomorrow” or beat myself up for the next several hours until bedtime, and then determine that I should starve myself tomorrow. Obviously, I am doing neither. It was one bad meal on an overall not horrible day. There’s room for improvement, but it’s not the end of the world. Also, I have something to really look forward to.

Tomorrow, I will start back to working out! I’m really excited! I had planned for that to be my focus for myself during April, so that by the end of April, I would have my eating under control and be consistently working out. Well, we’re so close, I might as well go ahead and start tomorrow. Besides, that’ll give me a running start into next week, so that hopefully I can spread my workouts out more and hopefully not have to be too sore while I’m at work.

The goal is to start off tomorrow’s workout with about 30 minutes on the elliptical. Nothing too strenuous. Eventually, I’d like to build up to an hour, and at that point, I will return to karate, since those classes are roughly an hour long. I think that some kind of cardio at the gym would be a good first step toward getting back in karate. Soooo… tomorrow, 9:00 AM, me, the heart rate monitor, and my walkman are going to be hitting the gym for a little while.


Today has been an incredibly busy and frustrating day. Our state mandated testing is in just a few weeks, so we had a district-wide pretest the past couple of days… I’m severely disappointed. To look at those tests, you would think my students have learned nothing at all this year. I know that’s not the case, and I can see a lot of growth in them… I guess it’s just frustrating when you pour so much of your time, energy, and efforts into something, and feel like it isn’t showing. The next few weeks will include a lot of review, in the hopes that they’ve just forgotten the material, which there’s a really good chance of.

My weight has stayed consistent for the past few days, which I’m not exactly happy about, since I was really excited at how quickly it was dropping for a while there, but at the same time, I know that I’ve had a few slip-ups this week, including not getting enough sleep, which I know doesn’t help matters.

Today’s eats:


  • a banana
  • 2 slices of meatless chicken
  • rice milk


  • healthy choice frozen meal
  • cashew cookie larabar


  • banana
  • apple
  • clif z bar


  • sauteed spinach
  • veggie patty
  • 2 tomato slices
  • corn (which I had to share with a hungry bird)

This will be a really quick, pictureless post because my poor, exhausted hubby is wanting me to go on to bed, but I have a couple of things I need to put down somewhere first.

Breakfast smoothie:

  • 1/2 cup blueberries
  • 1 cup almond breeze
  • spinach
  • kale
  • 1.5 tbsp peanut butter



  • whole wheat tortilla
  • hummus
  • meatless chicken
  • spinach
  • tomato
  • 5 mushroom slices

and some baby carrots and hummus with that.


Clif chocolate brownie z bar


Some sort of healthy choice frozen dinner. It was adequate. 270 calories, not too untasty… all in all, it is what it is.

Also, I went back to the gym tonight, so here’s the rundown:

Time: 30 on the elliptical, 7 on the treadmill

Calories burnt: I’m not entirely sure, since I forgot to turn on the heart rate monitor before I started. Smart, eh. I think it was somewhere around 400, going by what it showed at the end. Not too shabby

Post workout snack: a banana and peanut butter

And on that note, I’m off to bed!

I have been sitting here watching ANTM reruns, eating my afternoon snack, and enjoying a lazy Sunday. I’m a bit ticked because my Rhapsody software is acting all buggy again. It runs just fine, right up until the second I plug my mp3 player into it. Then it gives me that error message that it has to close. When I click for details, it tells me that it’s a pdge3260.dll error, but when I do everything I can find online to fix it, nothing is working. I think I’m about to give up and give it a try on Nate’s computer.

Anyway, watching these reruns has me thinking about a couple of years ago when my weight actually was where I wanted it. I had energy. I worked my butt off in karate classes. I looked forward to karate and to going out. I wanted to dress nice- I wanted to look nice. For the first time in my life, I was consistently wearing makeup and the occasional heels. I had dress jeans and dressing nice for work (or going out) was important to me. I don’t do that now. I guess I hadn’t thought about how much my weight affects how much effort I put into looking nice. I just don’t care how I dress now. I wear jeans and tennis shoes to work almost every day- and I’m a teacher! I can dress myself up however I want, but I’m still going to want to cry when I look in the mirror. Am I beautiful? Yes- on the inside. I truly believe that. But the outside doesn’t reflect what’s inside. So why bother?

I remember that I wanted to know about fashion. I wanted to develop my own sense of style. I have heard that you shouldn’t wait until you get to your goal to start on that… I think the thinking is that it will make you feel better where you are, and make life more fulfilling, or some junk, on the way to where you want to be. Always the pragmatist, I take a different view. Why spend the money on those clothes when jeans and tennis shoes are cheaper and I’m not going to be happy with how I look either way? As I got bigger, the larger size clothes I bought were not intended to make me look nicer… they were to fit, and I saw no reason to spend the money to get nicer clothes if I still wouldn’t feel attractive. I shopped off of the clearance rack many time. Why spend the extra money to still feel like I look like crap because of my weight? Besides, telling myself that I’ll buy a new wardrobe when I get to my goal (or at least closer to it) gives me a little bit more motivation. Every time I go down a size, that’s more incentive, and I get to buy new, smaller, cuter clothes to match the size. Still, I don’t want to spend too much money until I get down to where I’m happy. I don’t think that getting to a certain weight will magically make all of my problems vanish, but I also know that I’m never going to be comfortable in my own skin as long as I have this much of it.

My afternoon snack today absolutely hit the spot. Bananas, peanut butter, and blueberries. Yummmm!


Now, time to do some lesson planning. Oh joy!

I have been a total slacker about posting pictures of my food. I guess it’s been partly because it’s been prepackaged the past couple of days. I have been tracking it on sparkpeople, just so that I could still keep up with it.

Yesterday’s breakfast:

  • a packet of Quaker banana bread instant oatmeal
  • 1 packet of stevia
  • a banana
  • about a tbsp of peanut butter

Yesterday’s snacks:

  • leftover vegetable stirfry with meatless chicken slices
  • a banana with smucker’s natural peanut butter (so good, and only 2 ingredients!)

Yesterday’s lunch:

  • whole wheat angel hair pasta
  • Newman’s own marinara
  • mushrooms
  • black olives

Yesterday’s dinner:

This, I actually have a picture of.

picture-129First, my salad.

  • spinach
  • mushrooms
  • tomatoes
  • about 1/3 of a cucumber

picture-1322And here, with the soup. I had a can of Progresso minestrone.

I also had a cup of Silk very vanilla soy milk with my dinner.

I’m down 12 lbs since New Year’s Eve. Granted, that’s slow progress, it is progress, and I haven’t been sincerely trying the whole time. I have tried for a week, and then given up for 2 and then started again. It was just last month that I actually got serious. I’m starting to feel some of my pants fitting pretty loosely, which I’m very excited about. All of my jeans now have to be worn with a belt, where not long ago at all, I was having trouble fitting them over my thighs and butt. Best of all, for the first time, I’m losing weight without feeling deprived, and I actually look forward to eating or buying groceries, not because I am so incredibly hungry, but because food is now about choosing. It’s empowering. Last night, I tracked my foods, and then I looked at what I was missing from the day. I needed some more protein, but didn’t need to get much more fat or carbs, so I went through my head quickly to figure out what had enough protein without being too much fat or carbs. I’m thinking this through, and rather than just tying myself to a number of calories, I’m trying to figure out how to get my body what it needs.

I had a conversation with my sister last night. She is a fast-food manager, and between her crazy hours and the food that’s readily available, the restaurant lifestyle has not been kind to her waistline. About a month ago, she joined somewhere to help her lose weight. I don’t really know much about this place, except that one of her friends joined it a while ago and has lost a lot of weight. So far, all I really know is that my sister is working out every day. They recommended 30 minutes or so, I believe, but she is doing an hour on the elliptical. They have also told her to cut her calorie intake to 1500 a day, which she is sticking to pretty well. I know that they give appetite supressants, and my sister has been taking those. Apparently they’re effective.

I guess what concerns me, though, is that because of her work, her 1500 calories are coming from crap, pure and simple. She is having cereal for breakfast, something from work for lunch, and then whatever for dinner. A fast-food lifestyle is still unhealthy crap, even if you cut it to 1500 calories. Yes, you can lose weight, but your body is not at all getting what it needs. And I really have trouble with the fact that this place is not pushing her to eat healthier. The answer is not just eating less, it’s eating better. Smarter. I get it now. And it took me forever to get there, but that’s largely because I did it the long, roudabout way. I didn’t pay for an expert to help me, although I wanted to. Still, if the “experts” are doing no more advising than this, I guess I’m better off having gone this route. I have a lot of information, and I know where to go for more. And I want more. Can I say that I won’t slip? No… but I can say that even when I slip, I will know that I am slipping- I will not believe that I can eat healthily at McDonald’s.

I guess it’s supposed to be about smaller changes? Maybe the goal is to gradually help her to change her lifestyle… I don’t think that’s what has happened with her friend, but maybe I’m wrong. I sure hope so.

All of that said, here is this morning’s breakfast.

picture-133I made some cinnamon roll instant oatmeal and added some frozen organic blueberries and some whipped cream for a little bit of extra fun.

picture-1341And again.

I also had a Clif Z chocolate brownie bar.

Ok… so I know it’s not exactly ideal, but I do need to go to the store and get some regular oats. I should put that on my to-do list.

Taking weekend classes for my masters is wearing me down. I spent all weekend in class last weekend, and then had morning duty all week. The result- one exhausted Sarah. I have tried motivating myself to start back to my workouts this week, but after beeing up since 5:00 every morning and knowing that I’ll have to be up just as early the next day, it’s just not happened. Thank God it’s finally Friday!!!

Keeping consistent with the changes in my eating this week, I have pretty much maintained my weight, but I got my period earlier this week, so maintaining is actually an accomplishment. Add to that that I’ve done absolutely no working out. I’m pretty confident that next week will show some changes on the scale. I’m also intending to add some exercise starting tonight, so that will help even more. I’m just so ready for it to be gone!

Breakfast was a smoothie. Today, I opted for all spinach, since my kale is starting to wilt.

picture-122Wow… that’s a lot of spinach!

picture-1231Here it is before mixing.

  • spinach
  • almond breeze
  • banana
  • 2 tbsp peanut butter
  • 1 tbsp flax seed

I switched my peanut butter back for the smoothies, and this morning’s was much, much better. Absolutely delicious!

I fell asleep on the couch last night (see, exhausted) so I totally forgot to pack my lunch until this morning. Since I was running late, I didn’t have time to fix what I wanted, which was the leftovers from stirfry a couple of days ago. Instead, I ended up grabbing a frozen dinner. I did make time to take a picture, though. It just isn’t a very good one because I wasn’t thinking about the fact that one of the lights was turned off in the kitchen. Oh well… at least it’ll help me remember what I had.


  • Kashi pesto pasta primavera
  • baby carrots
  • hummus
  • banana
  • peanut butter (for the banana) I ended up not using it
  • larabar

The frozen dinner and the banana were my lunch. The baby carrots and hummus were my snack during my planning period this afternoon, and the Larabar was my “driving snack.” I really look forward to eating them on the way home, but I may switch back to some of the other bars for a little while to save calories. As much as I love them, there are lower calorie bars that I could eat instead.

I am absolutely starving and really craving some pizza. I guess I know what dinner tonight will be.

I’m finding that taking pictures of my foods is helping me to stay more motivated- knowing hat I’m going to be recording it in pictures and that I might not be the only one looking at it is really helping me to keep a better eye on exactly what I’m eating. Even though I’m pretty sure I’m talking only to myself, I’m still having to face myself and admit to myself exactly what I’ve done. I still have a long way to go, but I feel much better about the road ahead.


Isn’t the weather lovely today…. sigh.

On a brighter note, I did get out of class early this afternoon because of it. Of course, I have done none of the things I needed to with that time. On today’s to do list:

  • write lesson plans
  • create math centers
  • find a rug for the living room (I hate ours)
  • clean house
  • laundry

I’m sure I’ll get to at least 3 of those. I absolutely have to do laundry, write lesson plans, and make math centers in order to get through the day tomorrow, so I’ll have to motivate myself to do at least that much.

I have completely overhauled my eating this past few weeks, and I’m very surprised to find myself really enjoying the change. I have always been an all or none person, and it seems like leaving myself no room for crap, I’ve really delved wholeheartedly into much better eating patterns. That said, I have yet to reincorporate exercise. I had been very consistent about it for a while, but was starting to really slack at about the same time I had to get my wisdom tooth pulled. I haven’t made any attempt at working out since then- although, to be completely fair to myself, that was doctor’s orders for the first week, so I couldn’t officially start back until yesterday.

Still, I’m wondering if I should give it a few more days of eating like this before I start back to working out. I’m wondering if trying to take on the drastic change in both areas might be more than I can stick to, and might be part of what’s given me trouble before. I just don’t want to end up back on the slippery slope to giving up, and I’m not sure how to prevent it.

I’ve been tired today, but I think that has more to do with the weather than anything else. I’ll definitely sleep well tonight. I’ve also been pretty hungry, but at the same time, nothing sounds good. Here’s what I’ve ended up eating so far. I have no clue what I want to fix for dinner. Any suggestions?

This morning’s breakfast smoothie ingredients:


YUMMY as usual.

I had a midmorning snack of a banana

Then on the early drive home from class, I decided that my sandwich and baby carrots would be too hard to eat while driving, so instead, I had a larabar and some soymilk to hold me until I got home. One thing that I’m trying to work on is eating when I’m hungry but watching what and how much, instead of the regimented “breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner” schedule and trying to break it down into how many calories I’m going to allow myself for each meal.  I would probably do better to have smaller snacks to hold me until the next snack (or meal, whichever is more appropriate). So here is the 2nd snack:


A couple of hours later, it seemed like a good time for lunch, but rather than eat alone, I had a special guest for today’s lunch. Meet Rocky. He shared lunchtime with me today. I had a sandwich and salad, and he had some bird bread that I made last night.


You can put all kinds of different things in it, but last night, I used

  • 1 box jiffy corn muffin mix
  • 1 can veg-all
  • 1 egg

I also broke the eggshell up in it to give him a little bit of extra calcium.

img00110 img00111

Rocky loves his bird bread.


Oh yeah, and I ate too. Here’s my lunch:


First, the sandwich. Same as yesterday:

  • wheatberry bread (which I am running out of… guess I should add that to the to do list)
  • hummus
  • spinach
  • worthington meatless chicken
  • tomato slices

And the salad:picture-123

  • spinach
  • cucumber
  • tomato
  • olives
  • 3 spritzes of this stuff

And here it is altogether:


A little bit of motivation:

There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.
~~Aldous Huxley