I am sitting in class right now between assignments, so I may not have too long to type. I have unbelievable news, though, and since I can’t get it out of my mind, I might as well put it down here. Last night, the impossible happened, and I’m not sure where to go next.

I was on my way to bed and had just finished brushing my teeth. As I sat down on the bed, he stopped me midway through, catching me off guard, and said that he wants to go on a diet. I kinda sat there for a second before saying anything, not really sure what I should respond with. I asked him what he had in mind, and he replied that he wants to “diet.” Now, as much as I hate the idea of “dieting” and reminded him of this, still, it is progress. This is the first time in our relationship that he has made any reference at all to changing his eating habits in any way, so even that change has to be recognized.

I asked him what he wanted to do, and basically, I think he has it in his head that he can eat a little bit less and that’ll solve the problem. It won’t, and I know that- when you’re living off of pizza, burgers, and tater tots, just cutting back isn’t going to solve the root of the problem. I asked if he was willing to eat any veggies, and he quickly, without any hesitation at all said “no.” He didn’t pause to think about it. He didn’t give a few that he would be willing to incorporate. He didn’t even agree to try one. It was a categorical no… a blanket statement that really bothers me. How can you say you don’t like something that you haven’t eaten in years? Why would you refuse to try something just based on the fact that it came out of the ground and just might be good for you?

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I’m home now, so I have a bit more time to finish this up. He looked at me and said that he doesn’t want to make a lifestyle change. That’s very frustrating for me, because I have been trying to do exactly that, and after years of the yo-yo, I just want to find some balance. I don’t know whether to step away and give him the space to come to that point on his own, or to be that little extra boost that he might need to take the first steps down the road.

On a brighter note, I can honestly say that this week has gone much smoother than I would have ever anticipated. I have been helped along by reading some really motivating blogs and articles, and they’ve been just what I needed to keep myself on the right track. I have eaten very healthy foods all week, and have not missed my junk foods in the slightest bit. I want to believe this time is different… that this time will stick… but the truth is that I have started and failed so many times it’s embarrassing and I just don’t want to jinx myself or sound like a total goober by saying one thing, and then turning around and doing the other again. Still, so far, so good.

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